This WCSH6 news report was about a man who died in a rare shark attack off the coast of Florida. The story isn’t local, but the news reporter interviewed one of the victim’s closest friends in Florida, so the story had some good sources of background information.
This newscast was in past tense, with all verb tenses in agreement-in past tense. The report was told through mostly active voice, with a subject, verb, object composition. The sentences were pretty short and directly to the point, but were a little too succinct for me. If I had been in charge of editing copy before the story was aired, I would have provided more details about how the man died because the reporter failed to state his cause of death, The reporter only said the victim had been bitten by a shark and died later at the hospital. If I were in charge of this newscast, I would have wanted to provide more details about why the man was out in the water, how the shark bit him and how he died. The newscast did a good job putting in background information from an interview with one of the victim’s closest friends. I would have made the sentences a little more detailed; with longer sentences instead of many brief sentences that seemed a little too short.
I would have connected the story with past deaths in the area due to sharks, or the reason the attack was so “rare”. It would have been nice to know the history of shark attacks in the area and if there were often sharks near that beach. I think this would have added some human interest to the story, and left the listener less confused. I would have interviewed the lifeguard and gotten more details on how the man was found, how long he had been in distress and maybe some comments from his family. I would have liked the story to be more descriptive and easier to relate too.
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